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Gas
Once upon a time, there lived a man who had a terrible passion for baked
beans. He loved them, but they always had an embarrassing and
somewhat lively reaction on him.
One day he met a girl and fell in love. When it became apparent that
they would marry, he thought to himself, she'll never go through with
the marriage with me carrying on like this, so he made the supreme
sacrifice and gave up beans.
Shortly after that they were married.
A few months later, on the way home from work, his car broke down
and since they lived in the country, he called his wife and told her that
he
would be late because he had to walk. On his way home, he passed a
small cafe and the wonderful aroma of baked beans overwhelmed him.
Since he still had several miles to walk he figured he could walk off
any ill affects before he got home. So he went in and ordered, and
before leaving had 3 extra large helpings of baked beans. All the way
home he putt-putted. By the time he arrived home he felt reasonably
safe.
His wife met him at the door and seemed somewhat excited. She
exclaimed, "Darling, I have the most wonderful surprise for you for
dinner tonight!"
She put a blindfold on him, and led him to his chair at the head of the
table and made him promise not to peak.
At this point he was beginning to feel another one coming on. Just as
his wife was about to remove the blindfold, the telephone rang. She
again made him promise not to peek until she returned, and away she
went to answer the phone. While she was gone, he seized the opportunity.
He shifted his weight to one leg and let go. It was not only loud, but
ripe as a rotten egg. He had a hard time breathing, so he felt for his
napkin and fanned the air about him.
He had just started to feel better, when another urge came on. He raised
his leg and RRIIIPPPP !!! It sounded like a diesel engine revving, and
smelled worse. To keep from gagging, he tried fanning
his arms a while, hoping the smell would dissipate. He got another
urge. This was a real blue ribbon winner, the windows shook, the
dishes on the table rattled and a minute later the flowers on the
table were dead.
While keeping an ear tuned in on the conversation in the hallway, and
keeping his promise of staying blindfolded, he carried on like this for
the next ten minutes, farting and fanning each time with his
napkin. When he heard the phone farewells he neatly laid his napkin on
his lap and folded his hands on top of it. Smiling contentedly, he was
the picture of innocence when his wife walked in.
Apologizing for taking so long, she asked if he had peeked at the dinner
table. After assuring her he had not peeked, she removed the blindfold
and yelled, "SURPRISE!!!"
To his shock and horror, there were twelve dinner guests seated around
the table for his surprise birthday party.
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